Reaching Out Across the Red-Blue Divide, One Person at a Time

The four-page conversation guide, Reaching Out Across the Red-Blue Divide, One Person at a Time (2009), was written by Maggie Herzig from Public Conversations Project. This useful guide provides a framework for navigating highly polarized conversations and includes several starter questions to help keep the dialogue open. Read the intro to the guide below and download the PDF, as well as, find the original guide on PCP’s blog here.

From the guide…PCP_red blue divide flag

What this guide offers
This guide offers a step-by-step approach to inviting one other person—someone whose perspectives differ from your own—into a conversation in which • you both agree to set aside the desire to persuade the other and instead focus on developing a better understanding of each other’s perspectives, and the hopes, fears and values that underlie those perspectives; • you both agree to pursue understanding and to avoid the pattern of attack and defend; • you both choose to address questions designed to open up new possibilities for moving beyond stale stereotypes and limiting assumptions.

Why bother to reach across the divide?
Many people have at least one important relationship that has been frayed by painful conversations about political differences or constrained due to fear of divisiveness. What alternatives are there? You can let media pundits and campaign strategists tell you that polarization is inevitable and hopeless. Or you can consider taking a collaborative journey with someone who is important to you, neither paralyzed with fear of the rough waters, nor unprepared for predictable strong currents. You and your conversational partner will be best prepared if you bring 1) shared hopes for the experience, 2) the intention to work as a team, and 3) a good map that has guided others on similar journeys. We hope this guide will help prepare you to speak about your passions and concerns in ways that can be heard, and to hear others’ concerns and passions with new empathy and understanding—even if you continue to disagree.

Are you ready?
Are you emotionally ready to resist the strong pull toward polarization? What’s at the heart of your desire to reach out to the person you have in mind? Is pursuing mutual understanding enough, or are you likely to feel satisfied only if you can persuade them to concede certain points? What do you know about yourself and the contexts in which you are able—or not so able—to listen without interrupting and to speak with care? Are you open to the possibility—and could you gracefully accept—that the other person might decline your invitation?

Are the conditions right?
Do you have a conversational partner in mind who you believe will make the same kind of effort you are prepared to make? Is there something about your relationship that will motivate both of you to approach the conversation with a positive spirit? Will you have a chance to propose a dialogue in ways that don’t rush or pressure the other person? Will you be able to invite him or her to thoughtfully consider not only the invitation but the specific ideas offered here— ideas that you might together modify? Can you find a time to talk that is private and free from distraction?

If you decide to go forward, take it one step at a time. 

To continue reading the guide, download it below or read it on Public Conversation Project’s site here.

PCP_logoAbout Public Conversations Project
PCP fosters constructive conversation where there is conflict driven by differences in identity, beliefs, and values. We work locally, nationally, and globally to provide dialogue facilitation, training, consultation, and coaching. We help groups reduce stereotyping and polarization while deepening trust and collaboration and strengthening communities. At the core of many of today’s most complex social problems is a breakdown in relationships that leads to mistrust, gridlock, and fractured communities. Public Conversations’ method addresses the heart of this breakdown: we work to shift relationships, building the communication skills and trust needed to make action possible and collaboration sustainable. Since our founding in 1989, Public Conversations’ practitioners have worked on a broad range of issues, including same-sex marriage, immigration, abortion, diversity, guns, and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. We have also contributed to peace-building efforts in several conflict-torn regions overseas. In situations where a breakdown in trust, relationships, and constructive communication is part of the problem, PCP offers a solution.

Follow on Twitter: @pconversations

Resource Link: Reaching Out Across the Red-Blue Divide, One Person at a Time

The Social Justice Phrase Guide

The Social Justice Phrase Guide is two-page guide created by Advancement Project, in collaboration with The Opportunity Agenda. This guide puts forth five guidelines for conscientious communication, that give examples of alternative phrases and metaphors to replace out-dated ones that are offensive and/or discriminatory. View the guide below or download it here.

From Advancement Project…

Advancing a social justice agenda starts with being smart and deliberate in how we frame our discourse. The Social Justice Phrase Guide is your go-to tool to craft inclusive messages. Whether developing language for your organization, communicating through media platforms or engaging in personal discussions, follow these guidelines to successfully communicate across communities. A collaboration of Advancement Project, a multi-racial civil rights organization, and The Opportunity Agenda, a social justice communication lab, download the printable pamphlet here.

The guide…

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About Advancement Project
Advancement Project is a multi-racial civil rights organization. Founded by a team of veteran civil rights lawyers in 1999, Advancement Project was created to develop and inspire community-based solutions based on the same high quality legal analysis and public education campaigns that produced the landmark civil rights victories of earlier eras. From Advancement Project’s inception, we have worked “on-the-ground,” helping organized communities of color dismantle and reform the unjust and inequitable policies that undermine the promise of democracy. Simultaneously, we have aggressively sought and seized opportunities to promote this approach to racial justice. Follow on Twitter: @adv_project

About The Opportunity Agenda
The Opportunity Agenda is a social justice communication lab. We collaborate with social justice leaders to move hearts and minds, driving lasting policy and culture change. We bring the inspirational voices of opportunity and possibility to social justice issues through communication expertise, and creative engagement. Follow on Twitter: @oppagenda

Resource Link: www.advancementproject.org/resources/entry/the-social-justice-phrase-guide

Searching for Wise Questions

The article, Searching for Wise Questions, by Laura Chasin was published September 2011 and discusses how the way questions are framed can dramatically shape the answer. Written with the September 11, 2001 attacks in mind, the article offers opportunities to frame questions in a way that heal rather than divide.

Below is an excerpt from the article and the full piece can be found on Public Conversations Project’s website here.

From the article…

My experience conducting dialogues among those who have fierce differences about issues such as abortion and homosexuality has made me aware that questions have impact even before they are answered. They can close a door or turn on a light. They can intensify conflict or deepen mutual understanding. Asking the right questions now could build bridges across old divides and prevent the digging of new trenches at a time when we can ill afford further damage to our national landscape.

Questions have unsung power. They focus our attention: “What was your first reaction?” They call upon one dimension of us rather than another: “How are you trying to reassure your children?” They can point us toward a path of understanding and action: “Are there legitimate reasons for people to hate this country?”

Every question harbors an assumption that is often hidden. “How can we get even?” states more than it asks. By answering a question, most of us unwittingly support its hidden assumptions.

Since the terrible destruction of September 11, we have been barraged by questions of all kinds. Questions that seek facts or reassurance. Dread-filled questions that shuffle, half formed, through the dark hallways of our minds: “Why?” and “What will become of us now?”

What are the right questions for these harrowing times? To me, they are questions that promote recovery, minimize risks, and strengthen us for the marathon that lies ahead. They are questions that can galvanize our loyalty to our precious, if flawed, nation — without accelerating a worldwide spiral of violence that becomes even more catastrophic than the events of September 11.

We can notice the impact on ourselves and others of the questions we hear or read. We can be thoughtful about the purposes of the questions we ask. We can avoid using rhetorical questions. We can decline to answer questions likely to steer talk in destructive directions.

About Public Conversations Project
PCP_logoPCP fosters constructive conversation where there is conflict driven by differences in identity, beliefs, and values. We work locally, nationally, and globally to provide dialogue facilitation, training, consultation, and coaching. We help groups reduce stereotyping and polarization while deepening trust and collaboration and strengthening communities. At the core of many of today’s most complex social problems is a breakdown in relationships that leads to mistrust, gridlock, and fractured communities. Public Conversations’ method addresses the heart of this breakdown: we work to shift relationships, building the communication skills and trust needed to make action possible and collaboration sustainable. Since our founding in 1989, Public Conversations’ practitioners have worked on a broad range of issues, including same-sex marriage, immigration, abortion, diversity, guns, and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. We have also contributed to peace-building efforts in several conflict-torn regions overseas. In situations where a breakdown in trust, relationships, and constructive communication is part of the problem, PCP offers a solution. Follow on Twitter: @pconversations.

Resource Link: www.publicconversations.org/resource/searching-wise-questions

Transformative Conversations

This 184-page book, Transformative Conversations, by Dr. Ada Gonzalez offers guidance on how to improve communication and strengthen dialogue skills. You can find more info on the book site here or go directly to Amazon.

From Transformative Conversations

transformative_convosThe book Transformative Conversations is a resource to any leader, coach, or facilitator who is working to improve their leadership. This is far from the first book written that deals with the dynamics of dialogue and effective communication. This book weaves wisdom from many sources into a useful flow that informs the reader about not only why this is a valuable subject, it gives clear guidance on how to pull it off.

This book provides practical tools and guidance to transform your communications by helping you create deeper understanding and meaning. The text is full of effective illustrations, stories, examples, helpful exercises and even prescriptive guidance on specifically what to say to facilitate participation, collaboration, dialogue and handle certain difficult situations.

If you want to know how dialogue helps to balance the amount of listening and asserting occurring between people at work, and how to ignite engagement and commitment to accomplishing business priorities, this book provides instructions on both. If you want to know how to improve dialogue and collaboration among any group of people, this book will give you guidance on how to do it.

More about Dr. Gonzalez
Dr. Gonzalez is an executive coach, facilitator, and a consultant in organizational behavior. She works with leaders, businesses and organizations to facilitate change, development and transformation through dialogue. She shows business leaders how to discover the power of leading through conversations. For more than 25 years as a change agent, and crafter of organizational dialogue, Gonzalez has provided support and created a safe space for development, learning, and growth.

Dr. Gonzalez lives in Delaware and serves as an adjunct professor for the University of Delaware. She did undergraduate and graduate work at Andrews University in Michigan, and post-graduate training as a Marriage and Family Therapist. She earned a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior at the Union Institute and University in Ohio, specializing on leadership, dialogue, and transformation.

Follow on Twitter: @PhDAda

Resource Link: www.transformativeconversations.com/take-action/

This resource was submitted by Dr. Ada Luz Gonzalez, owner of Logos Noesis, via the Add-a-Resource form.